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How To Avoid A Fatal Attraction

Love is a drug that can make people do crazy things. Remember the lady astronaut that drove across the country in a diaper to kill her boyfriend's new lover? How about the stalkers who follow movie stars and rock stars around thinking that they will fall in love with them if they could only just break into their house and profess their undying love. 

How about the recent arrest of Jennifer Capriati, the gold medal tennis star that was just charged with battery and stalking her ex-boyfriend in Florida? Who can forget the photos of Rihanna's face after Chris Brown assaulted her? Do you remember what Lorena Bobbitt did to her husband John? And let's not forget the ultimate domestic violence case in American history, O.J. Simpson's murder of his wife Nicole Brown, the case that finally brought domestic violence to the light and exposed it as a major problem in our country.

Every day almost half the calls to the police department concern domestic violence. Typically it as an intoxicated man who is arguing with his wife or girlfriend and it gets too loud or too violent and so someone calls the poilce. If the poilce see an injury their policy is to make an arrest, usually for assalt and if it is a family member or there is a relationship between the parties the case is headed to Domestic Violence Court.

If you break up with somwone and you try to get them back by repeated communications you are going to be arrested for Stalking or Aggravated Harassment, especially if you threaten them, or cause them distress. If a person asks you not to contact them and you continue to do so in any manner that is a crime. If you follow them around with harassment or threats of intimidation you are guilty of Stalking.

If you get into a heated argument and stab someone with a knife it could be assault or attempted murder depending on the facts and your intent. If you kill them in the heat of passion your lawyer will argue that it is manslaughter and not murder using the defense of "Extreme Emotional Disturbence." This defense is amost never successful as juries feel that if you kill someone you should pay for it and it does not matter if you were distraught over something at the time you  killed them.

The way to avoid all of this drama is to have good communication skills and learn how to calmly discuss your problems and complaints. Never raise your voice or result to name-calling or play the "blame game." Do not criticize the other person, just tell them how their actions make you feel and why it is not appropriate. Let them know that there will be consequenses to their actions and that if it continues you may have to find another person to be with [do not tell them this if they are holding a gun or a knife].

If they lose control and start screaming and shouting or get violent simply leave the area until they can act like an adult. If this is their normal reaction to bad news or not getting their way you are in a relationship with the wrong person and you must end it before you get injured or killed.

If they need drug or alcohol counseling make sure they follow through with it or end the relationship as no one can be a good partner and an addict at the same time.

It is the people who put up with violent addicts and criminals and allow them to act out, control them, intimidate them, and assault them who are also partially responsible for the bad relationship they are in. If they would only realize that their partner is immature, uneducated, violent, selfish, and manipulative and will not change overnight they would move on and there would only be one fight, one assault, one sexual assault or rape.

It is the women [more often than not] who keep going back to these out of control men who must learn that there are other choices in life no matter how poor they are and no matter how many children they have with this man.

The sad fact is that these men will not change and you will never escape the abuse unless you have the courage and conviction to walk out, even if it means going to a shelter, your parents, a friend, or to the police.

You must have him arrested, get an order of protection, and either wait until he has finished his anger management or therapy or until you are sure he has learned how to act like a human being and not a maniac before you allow him back in your life.

While it is true that women also commit domestic violence crimes, they are more likely to stalk a man or just nag him to death, it is men who commit most of the violent crimes.

Despite that fact, there are an increasing number of women who will turn violent during an argument over money, drugs, cheating [this is when the knife comes out], lying, or the children. [I had a client that dropped a bowling ball on her husband's head while he was sleeping when she found out he was cheating].

Men must learn to avoid getting their partners angry and to talk to them with respect, honesty, and dignity. There is an old expression, "Everyone is crazy when they are angry." When you get angry adrenaline is released and you can easily lose your temper and say and do things that you will regret. This tends to throw gasoline on the fire and the other person may over-react to something you say or do.

The best way to handle these situations is to have zero tolerance for any type of screaming, name-calling, threats, or abuse, and that means physical as well as mental abuse mental. The minute that starts you have to walk out and not finish the conversation until the other person agrees to act like an adult.

If you are arrested for any crime do not talk to the police, call the Law Offices of John J. Carney 24 hours a day to protect your rights.

Before you call the police on your partner, consider calling my office to set up couple's counseling, anger management classes, or to discover other ways to learn how to work out disputes without all the drama or violence. Love is a beautiful drug when taken in moderate doses.

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